A message to my families.
Oh my hearttttt (آخ قلبممممم)
"Oh my hearttttt" is a Persian spoken word accompanied with a visual story. I use my body as a medium of expression, to remain visible, encouraging the representation of middle eastern queer people in the media. The short film proposes the eternal question, "how much does it cost your pride to embrace another?", exploring themes of rejection, sexuality, womanhood, and natural order, through metaphors and hidden visual contexts.
I initially wrote the poem in English as a message to my families; birth, foster, adopted and chosen. Within it, I share my truth- my experience within my intersectional existence. I wanted it to be spoken aloud in Farsi to merge the cultures I grew up with. This moment of documentation is also a key marker in my story as I'm going to be going on a difficult journey soon to uncover my past; my blood; my ethnicity. But, before I go through this life-changing experience, I wanted to share a part of me so that I could remember this version of Quinnely.
![Film frame, [00:32]](https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5e7b9eefc0a2e039e39f1fbe/1616343426428-UK8WDR2ZFI3PPCIO3D7X/Film+frame%2C+%5B00%3A32%5D)
Queerooni: fragmented culture
“Being someone who has harboured hatred in the past, I think targeted, segregated hatred towards a group of humans is a 'privilege' for people who remain blind to the hatred they experience. It initially tricks you into thinking it is strength when in reality it is consuming you. My freedom to be myself and express my emotions with no boundaries has helped develop my sense of character and expand my view beyond my own.
With that said, my culture is queer. I was born as I am with middle eastern blood in my veins, everything that I am is everything that it is. My queerness and my Iranian identity are mutually inclusive- Queerooni."
Transcript:
English translation:
How much does it cost your pride to embrace another?
I remind myself I came into this world alone, isolated for a moment but not shameful.
“He knows what is in every heart” (67:13)
He teaches “Love is fair” (49:9)
I have love for a woman I have never met; attached to my brothers and sisters like an uncut umbilical cord.
“Love is true sacrifice” (2:177)
A man holding his lover close despite the danger they might face for their bare bodies laying side-by-side.
The woman that is forced to hide who she is, prohibited to embrace the love of another.
She is claimed by the men around her.
If ‘a woman is like a rose’, is that to say a man is a weed? For if he does not give her space she will die. Alone he is free to occupy space, but if he is to dominate the gardens- what of the roses, lilies, and bluebells?
“Real love does not decay” (49:12)
Each heart has music for those willing to listen.
I hope to one day take my place next to my lover as this Symphony echoes filling us once again with life.
I am not the first, and I will not be the last.
“So remember Me; I will remember you.” (2:132)
Farsi translation:
چقدر برای غرورت خرج دارد؟
چقدر برای غرورت خرج دارد تا دیگری را بپذیری
با آغوشی باز؟
به یادم می‌آورم زمانی را که تنها به این دنیا پا گذاشته‌ام،
شاید...
شاید برای لحظه‌ای...
برای لحظه‌ای، گوشه‌گیر بوده‌ام، اما شرمگین...
اما شرمگین هرگز!
"اوست که آگاه است به راز دل‌ها" (67:13)
اوست که یادم می‌دهد "عشق... منصفانه است" (49: 9)
من زنی را دوست دارم...
من زنی را دوست دارم که هرگز ندیده‌ام.
من به برادرانم، به خواهرانم وصلم
چونان بند نافی نابریده
که "عشق فداکاری حقیقی است" (2: 177)
در آغوش کشیده، مردی، معشوق خود را
دانسته...
دانسته از خطری که تهدید می‌کند شان
به خاطر بدن‌های آرمیده‌ی لخت‌‌شان در هم
و زنی که پنهان می‌کند، خود را به اجبار
منع شده...
منع از به آغوش کشیدن عشق دیگری
که مالک او هستند، مردان دور و برش
اگر " زن یک گل سرخ است" ، می‌توان گفت مرد علفی‌ست هرز؟
که گر به زن فضا ندهد، فضایی برای رشد
اوست که می میرد.
مردِ تنها، آزاد است تا فضا را پر کند، اما...
تکلیف چیست برای گل رز، لیلیوم و زنگوله
اگر بر باغ‌ها تسلط یابد؟
"عشق واقعی نمی‌پوسد" (49:12)
هر قلب آهنگی دارد
موسیقی‌ای برای گوش‌های شنوا.
آرزو دارم روزی...
آرزو دارم روزی... در کنار یار بیابم جایم را
جایی که سمفونی، پر کند ما را دوباره از زندگی
من اولین نیستم
و آخرین هم نخواهم بود.
" مرا به خاطرت بسپار.
که تو را به یاد خواهم سپرد." (2: 132)